Reflect

I really feel the need for myself to change and be a better person. Been mentioning about changing to be a better and bigger person for so many times, I'm sick of reminding myself again. I hate how rash I am to making decisions and thinking the worst about others when true-ly, they are not what it is.

It disappoints me when I see how fast I jumped into conclusion and start getting angry and irritated over minor things that actually don't bother me. It doesn't make me a better person AT ALL. What about all the mentioning of ugly hearts when I see ugly characters. Don't make sense if I say others with ugly hearts when I'm nowhere better. In all honesty, I really hate it when I am not understanding, expecting too much, getting irritated easily and whatever that you can think off. I hate it so much but it's just a part of me I can never get rid of. No matter how hard I try.

Every incident reminds me of how ugly I am and I think so much when I'm homed, I think about ways on being a better person, learning from friends around me for being calm. I'm nowhere near to what others see in me - the very nice girl or whatsoever but I'm trying. Trying not because I want to please others, not because I want to feel attractive in front of others but trying because I know such ugly attitude will make me a nobody. I'm not NICE at all, really. And isn't the first step of success always begin with your own character and mindset? If I can't even conquer my own problems, how am I gon face the society in future?

Argh,

reflect 

goodnight