All these while, i haven't realise how fortunate i was; i get to work and spend money, i get education, i get pretty clothes, i have supportive parents and sister, friends from poly, from secondary, and so why am i even whining about how pathetic my life is.
So, i had dance yesterday, and it was a really good one. Many of them have told me how i improved as a dancer and that really made me happy. I mean, at least my efforts are shown. (even though i'm still a slow learner, hahaa) Last year this time, i just joined TPDE and i was one of the slowest and lousiest dancer in the club. I was depressed/demoralized, i wanted to quit badly(ya, i always want to quit after failing, lolol, loser) but good friends around me have been encouraging me, telling me i can improve one day, slowly but surely and i eventually pulled through the year.
The year wasn't easy, really, i had my studies to worry about and it was one of my toughest moment, being a no-art-background student and joining a design school makes me even more depress, having to start from scratch about everything makes it even tougher. While everyone is constantly getting good grades and excelling while i'm here thinking the reason of letting myself suffer and it's not like i didn't have a choice in my life. I had, i have business course to go to, but i still chose fashion in the end..... Apart from this, i had to suffer in dance almost every saturday because my basics were really bad and i don't have any decent hiphop experience before. Going to poly is like restarting my life; it was tough, very. Such a cold environment and studying in a school that is far from your comfort zone.
All these setbacks made me change, i changed to become someone who is vulnerable, the fear of presenting myself infront of others, the fear of getting judged. This is probably the reason why i'm always so stress when it comes to presenting, i'm worried i wouldn't be what people expect from me.
-back to now-
The dance lesson yesterday really brought me back to who i am, and why i am here, i felt enlightened and it was the first time, i started believing and enjoying what i am doing. You know, it's the passion i have. I finally found a reason to dance. I used to question and doubt myself, i choose to believe that i entered TPDE not because of my potential, but because the day i auditioned just didn't have stronger ones... It's all these thoughts caused me to stop believing in myself. Yesterday, while i was on my way home, i thought a lot, all these ups and downs are the parts and parcel of life. People have it differently so why am i even whining about it unnecessarily. Instead i could have chose to be more positive and a better person. The sparks, the burning passion was so real, so true. I knew dance was what i wanted and i am so glad that my friends encouraged me to stay. It's always better to look at the bright side of life, I have everything and i should be grateful for having the opportunities instead of pulling myself down and even if i fall, i know, at least, i tried.
As for school, i haven't really found the reason, but i believe that one day, i would.
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